Leona's Birth Story
Leona's birth story didn't start on Sunday morning. It started with weeks of frustrating prodromal labor(PL) episodes, the longest of which was 32 hrs.
On Sunday, contractions started around 9:45a, but seemed like PL because they weren't progressing. I wrote it off. But, as I charted my contractions, I was already at 411.
My awesome birth team came over and by noon, we were riding the waves of active labor but part of me didnt believe it was real this time. I was walking laps around our dinner table telling my sister in laws that I felt embarrassed having called everyone here bc it may not be for real. Minutes later, my water broke and I couldn't move to get back upstairs. Fear crept in that she would come as quickly as her brother and that it would be just as traumatic. In between contractions, we rushed upstairs.
Finally to my bed at 2pm, She was crowning. I reached down and touched her precious head. She was right there. Then, I kid you not, she changed her mind, seemingly went back up the birth canal, and all contractions stopped.
After being that close, I admittedly went to a dark mental space. For weeks, we had these PL episodes and charted contractions. Jon would take off work because it looked promising. Then, a full stop. It was a frustrating rhythm. Yet, this time was beyond frustrating. I felt defeated and so overwhelmingly tired. I had touched her. She was so close to being in my arms. Then, nothing. Jon and I napped and cried.
At 4:30p, I woke up back in active labor but still feeling defeated. What's the point in trying, right? I kept telling Jon "I can't do this anymore. I don't even know if it's going to lead anywhere. What if it just stops?! I can't do this."
Around 8p, in tears I remembered describing birth to Steele and saying "Mamas fight hard for their babies." The line stuck with him and he had repeated it since. I heard his little voice saying it. I remembered how hard I had fought to keep this baby after so much loss. It was all I needed. I had more fight in me.
So, I asked for the tub. I mustered as much determination as I could. At 8:37p, I got in the tub. I breathed my way through 2 massive surges and birthed my baby girl on the 3rd surge at 8:46p.
I dont know what to make of 2 bizarre births, but I am overjoyed to have two precious kids in my arms. I'm honored to be their mom.